Regrouping / Plan

So last weekend Mike and I decided to PGS (pre-genetic screen) test our remaining four embryos, use any normal embryos, and if they worked, they worked.  If they didn't, they didn't.  We WERE going to be done.......

Then.....

My company announces as of 2016 they will give their employees $20,000 (lifetime cap) to use towards............ I - V - F !!!!!!!!!

We were shocked.  I cried.  I couldn't believe it.   After seven long years of TTC (literally since 2008), we were FINALLY going to be DONE.   Now......... we AREN'T.  

I'm happy and sad at the same time.  I am more than happy to have $20,000 at my fingertips to use towards the things we have ALWAYS paid out of pocket for.  We have probably sunk $30,000 - $40,000 in TTC since 2008.   Thank GOD we got our miracle Victor out of it in 2012.  He is my life.  He is my prince.  I'd be.....well, let's just say thank God he is here.

I am just tired of this roller coaster.  A seven year rollercoaster.  We were pregnant just 2 months ago.  Today marks exactly 2 months since I couldn't hear my baby's heartbeat.  2 months and 1 day ago we were living in bliss.  We were pregnant.  Our baby was alive.  THE END OF THIS JOURNEY WAS IN SITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Then that was ripped away.   So, just a month or so later the end of our journey was in site again when Mike and I decided to be DONE after these four embryos.

So you can imagine my head is spinning with the $20,000 2016 coverage announcement!

So, we coincidentally had a meeting (that we scheduled when I miscarried) with our reproductive endocrinologist this week.   We told her of our old plan and of the new coverage.  This is what the three of us decided:

Since it costs roughly $5,000 to $6,000 to PGS test a batch of embryos (that covers 8 embryos), why spend that to test only four embryos?  Now that we have coverage to do IVF (for a fourth time mind you), we will do that in February of 2016 and whatever embryos are made from that send cells from them as well as cells from our original four and send them all to be tested together.   PGS also reveals gender - if we want to know - and we do...... well, I do.

We will do IVF in February of 2016 instead of January because I am now going to go back on my PLETHORA of egg quality supplements that I was on prior to our 2015 IVF that yielded our best haul yet of 8 blastocysts.   I need 90 days of supplements for it to have an effect on the eggs inside me.   Mike is also going to go on supplements.  That way, come IVF #4 our parts are the best they can be.   February is good too because I'm sure I'll need all of January to figure out stuff and jump through hoops with the insurance company.  I already tried calling them and they could give me NO answers to my questions and told me to call back on the 2nd of January.  Unbelievable!

Did I mention my head is spinning?!?!?!?

Remembering Our Lost Little Girl

Baby Schloss

Though we never held your hand,

We will forever hold you in our hearts.

August 2015

Chromosomal Testing Results

It was a normal girl.  My heart is breaking all over again.

9w5d - Our baby passed away

My OB got me in today for a sonogram.  There was no heartbeat.  The image of our dead baby on the screen will forever be burned into my brain.  lifeless.   No heartbeat.  The heartbeat that had I known it was the last time I'd hear it I would have listened a little longer yesterday.   Our baby died on Jack's birthday.   They are in heaven now together.    D&C scheduled for tomorrow morning.   I'm numb.

We are going to have the baby sent away to be genetically tested.  I pray there WAS something wrong with him or her and God spared him/her a hard life on the outside.

9w5d - I'm a Mess

I'm a mess.  Doppler takes under 5 minutes these days.   Last night I tried for 90 minutes to no avail.   Another 90 minutes this morning and nothing.   I think I'd die losing the baby this late.

Update:  Still no heartbeat when trying again at work.   Called OB and left a distraught message on the nurse's hotline.  Also my TSH doubled to 2.42.  It's not super high but of course that's upsetting now too.  I'm beside myself.  :(

9w4d - Essential Structures Complete

According to the due date tool (putting in July 1) I use, today marks the day that the "essential structures are complete"!   My baby's vital organs are all made (albeit they are still in their early stages).  :)   Small blog update, but huge milestone!

The next milestone it marks is "Movement Begins" on September 15, 2015.  :)

UPDATE: Baby died today but I don't know it yet.

9w0d - Weekly update

How far along? 
9 Weeks!

How big is the peanut? 
"Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce."

Total weight gain/loss? 
3.0 lbs as of this morning

Maternity clothes? 
Still doing the rubber band trick!

Best moment this week? 
Seeing our baby at the 8w5d sonogram!    I actually have been starting to feel sensations of the baby doing flip flops in there.  People do say that you feel the second baby waaaaay earlier than the first.  I think they were right!

Food cravings? 
No cravings, just eating everything in site though.

Food aversions? 
Not this week.

Gender? 
Harmony test scheduled for 8/24.  Results in 7 business days!

What's happening this week:
"She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain."

Bump?
A little one.  Next belly pic at 10 weeks!

Symptoms:
I haven't been documenting symptoms lately because there aren't that many!  I am lucky to not have any (now that I can use the doppler for reassurance).   Still vivid dreams, but rarely are they sexual - they are usually scary.  Typically a tiny bit tired after work with a tiiiiiiiiiiiiiny bit of nausea when I'm tired.  I have had a few boughts of nausea here and there in the middle of the night (8w and 9w nights exactly).   Boobs are bigger.  Headaches here and there in the evenings.  Veiny.

8w5d - First OB Appointment and Ultrasound

Our first OB appointment went well.  We had four appointments actually!

1.  Sono
2.  New patient paperwork
3.  Meeting with OB (Dr. Weibel)
4.  Bloodwork

First appointment, the sono.  Amazing experience!  Baby measured 8w5d and that is exactly what I am today!   Here are some photos of our gummy bear!  

Head on the right, body on the left and little arms and legs coming out!

Heart rate is 175 BPM

3D - Little leg on the bottom.  Umbilical cord coming out by leg.

3D - Little leg on the bottom.  Umbilical cord coming out by leg.

Last few appointments went well too.  The OB said since we are doing the Harmony down syndrome test in a few weeks we won't have a 12 week sonogram!  Our next official sono isn't until 20 weeks!!!   Luckily there is a private place in Erie that will do sonograms after 16 weeks.  So I only have to wait 7.5 weeks (omg that is forever away).

8w1d - Symptoms, doppler, and 1st belly pic!

Symptoms:
Night: Vivid dreams.
Morning:  Cramps.
Afternoon:  Slightly nauseous after nap.
Evening:

Doppler:
The doppler # got up to 165 today!   Just as I went to grab my camera and take a video the # went away.  The last part of this video the # starts to climb but then get's lost again.  The heartbeat is VERY easy to hear though!

First belly pic!  
Definitely starting to balloon out.  I'm doing the rubber band trick on my shorts under the shirt.  lol

8w0d - Weekly update and Symptoms

How far along? 
8 Weeks!

How big is the peanut? 
"Your baby is about the size of a kidney bean. Your little bean is now just over 1/2 inch long and is constantly moving and shifting."

Total weight gain/loss? 
2.2 lbs last time I weighed myself

Maternity clothes? 
Not yet but I used the rubber band trick this week at work.

Best moment this week? 
Hearing Baby Schloss's heartbeat at 7w4d on my home doppler!!!!!   This was just so amazing.  Mike and I are so relieved!

Food cravings? 
None yet but I pretty much each everything these days.  Bye bye diet!

Food aversions? 
Mike was making scrambled eggs and they smelled gross.

Gender? 
Don't know yet!   Though they have a new blood test that can detect it as early as 10 weeks!

What's happening this week:
"Your baby's hands and feet are developing webbed fingers and toes, his eyelids almost cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about having a boy or a girl, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal your baby’s sex.  Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it."

Bump?
Going to start taking bump photos today!  I got this set of belly stickers from etsy!  :)


Symptoms:

Night: Vivid dream about Will Ferrell - weird.   I also got up to pee and was so dizzy I was bouncing off walls and when I got back into bed I was really nauseous.

Morning: Maybe a little bit nauseous.

Afternoon: Tired.  Still a little nauseous.

Evening:

7w6d - Symptoms and Doppler again!

Symptoms:

Night: Maybe one vivid dream?  Peed allllllllllll night long.

Morning: Nothing.

Afternoon:  Nothing.  Bloated after lunch.   Boobs kinda hurt when walking.  Sharp left pang.

Evening:  Nothing.  Pretty tired around 8:15pm - maybe even a little nauseated too.  Just a smidge.


Doppler:

Heard the baby on the doppler again!  I couldn't get it to register the BPM on the device but Mike recorded the sound (faint but there behind all the white noise) - for 25 seconds!!!

7w5d - Symptoms

You should check out my 7w4d blog post from yesterday!  I was able to hear the heartbeat on the doppler!!!

Symptoms:

Night: Slept like a rock, no dreams.

Morning: TSB and cramps while driving to work.

Afternoon:  Headache

Evening:  Super bad headache.  Boobs hurt for like 1 minute.  Minimal TSB.

7w4d - Symptoms and Doppler!!!!

Symptoms:

Night: Vivid dreams

Morning: TSB (just a little again but better than nothing).  A few cramps.   Decided to only take the claritin of the claritin/pepcid combo I've been taking since 2 days before transfer (CCRM antihistamine protocol).

Afternoon:  Headache that left as quickly as it came.   Maybe a smidge of wooziness?  Maaaaybe.  Nothing to write home about.   Headache is back full force.  Right boob pain.

Evening:  Veiny.  TSB.

Doppler

So I wasn't planning on trying until this weekend but I was alone in my bedroom, Amazon just sent a nice new bottle of gel, so I tried the doppler.  I used headphones since I knew if I found the heartbeat it would be faint.  Well, I found it!   Baby had a heart rate of 155 BPM!   I was able to get a photo of the display saying the heart rate but it wasn't loud enough when I took a video to register the correct number but I got - literally - 1 second of it on camera.  You can hear about 3 or 4 beats in the first second of the two second video.

7w3d - Symptoms

Symptoms:

Night: Vivid dreams.  (I think)

Morning: No TSB, nothing else.

Lunch:  Cramps during walk at lunch in the beginning of the walk.

Afternoon:  Slight left boob pangs after taking a walk.   I think my boobs are getting bigger?   I did gain 2 lbs so I'm not sure what it's from exactly.  Veiny after the walk as well.

Evening:  Veiny, TSB (just a little but I'll take it!)

7w1d and 7w2d - Symptoms or lack there of

The weekend was crazy and didn't have time to get on the computer to update the blog.  There isn't much to update however as my symptoms have all but vanished.

Even the TSB (tongue scraper blood, which as you recall was something I only saw after using the tongue scraper while pregnant) has vanished.  I haven't had any in 3 days.  :(

My body looks veiny still, but only in the evening, and only when I am hot or warm.  If I am cold, you can kiss seeing veins goodbye.

I am still constipated (sorry TMI, but I need to document this stuff).

I've still had some vivid dreams (though they've all been scary related stuff).

I am NOT tired.

I am NOT woozy or nausesous.

I have had cramps here and there.

Oh, and on Sunday morning, I had ONE tiiiiiiiiny brown spot.

I have had increased yellow CM (not sure if that's good or bad).

NO boob twinges or pains whatsoever.

There you have it.  All in all I feel 100% normal and it's freaking me the F out.  I NEED to be able to use the doppler to satiate my fear ASAP.

7w0d - Weekly update and Symptoms

How far along? 
7 Weeks!

How big is the peanut? 
"Your baby has doubled in size since last week and now measures half an inch long, about the size of a blueberry."

Total weight gain/loss? 
I didn't weigh myself today but as of yesterday only 0.2 lbs - which is shocking since I've been eating everything in site!

Maternity clothes? 
Not yet, but thinking about it!

Sleep?
I sleep like a rock.

Best moment this week? 
Seeing Baby Schloss's heartbeat at 6w5d!!!!!   This was just so amazing.  Mike and I are so relieved!

Food cravings? 
No real cravings but my pre pregnancy diet strictness is completely out the door.

Food aversions? 
Non really but when Mike was browning turkey meat earlier this week for tacos it smelled gross.  Of course I still ate the finished product.  lol

Gender? 
Not yet!   Though they have a new blood test that can detect it as early as 10 weeks!

Milestones? 
What happened LAST week: The nose, mouth, and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you'd find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones.

What's happening this week:
Your baby’s hands and feet are emerging from developing arms and legs — although they look more like paddles at this point than the tiny baby fingers and toes you're daydreaming about holding and tickling. Technically, your baby is still considered an embryo and has something of a small tail, which is an extension of her tailbone. The tail will disappear within a few weeks, but that's the only thing getting smaller.

Bump?
My pants are all very snug.  My lower belly is definitely firmer and bumpier.

Symptoms:
Night: Cramps after peeing.  Woke up from  a sex dream to an orgasm!  Just like Victor's pregnancy.
Morning: Constipation.
Afternoon / Evening:  Nothing.  No TSB.

6w6d - Symptoms

Symptoms:

Night: Two vivid dreams that were both awful (one, my basement was haunted with the ghost of a child; two, I was bleeding red blood, went to the OB and they were putting bloody chum all over my belly to help me absorb the iron from it or something bizarre and they wouldn't give me an ultrasound so I didn't know if I was miscarrying or not).

Morning: Veiny.  No TSB.  Pants aren't fitting, had to break out the bigger sizes.  Felt "off" early hours of work.  Starving!!!!   Just ate my lunch and still starving!

6w5d - Ultrasound and Symptoms

God is good!  God is AWESOME!   Praise Jesus!  We have a heartbeat!   122bm!  Baby Schloss measured 6w3d, exactly 7 days more than 7 days ago!   Thank you everyone so so so so so much for your thoughts and prayers!     We are just so happy words can't explain.

Heartbeat visualized!  122 BPM!

Side view.

I think this is his/her spine.  Measuring 6w3d.

Another measurement:  6w3d.

Baby!!!

Symptoms:

Night:  Starving, had to eat a bar.   One vivid dream.

Morning:  TSB, veiny.  On my feet most of the morning, so a lot of pulling mid morning.

Afternoon:  Thirst.   A tiny bit woozy and bleh feeling after work.

Evening:  Cramps when laying.   Slight TSB (hard to get).

6w4d - Symptoms

If you haven't noticed by now I am a nervous wreck.   Most of my symptoms have vanished.  I am a wreck.  I'm not fun to be around.  I am completely and utterly consumed with fear.  Fear that tomorrow will bring the same news as last May and I'll have to endure a miscarriage all over again.  Please pray for us.  Please pray they see a strong heartbeat tomorrow.  Please pray I find peace if they don't.

Symptoms:

All day:  Peeing a lot

Night:  No vivid dreams.  No cramping after peeing like usual.  Insomnia.

Morning:  Nothing other than veiny.  Slight TSB.   Constipation that I had for weeks is gone (not good, maybe my progesterone dropped?....which wouldn't be good).

Mid morning:  Nothing.   Brief headache (maybe 2 minutes).

Noon:  Nothing.  Headache back (praying it's not a bad shift in hormones :( )

Afternoon:  Dry eyes?   Maaaaaaybe some right side uterine pulling.  I feel like I'm just grasping at straws here now.   Tired on my way to acupuncture.  Slept during acupuncture.

Evening:  After acupuncture I had symptoms!  Slight nausea but I'll take it.  Slight cramps.  Aversion to the chicken.   I think increased sense of smell?   TSB.

6w3d - Symptoms

Only two more days until our ultrasound to confirm the heartbeat!  I am nervous/excited/anxious!!

Symptoms:

All day:  Peeing a lot

Night:  Super vivid dreams (1 scary, 1 pregnancy dream), a few cramps after peeing

Morning:  Nothing other than TSB

Mid morning:  Nothing

Afternoon:  Nothing

Evening:  Maaaaaybe like one uterine pull during a walk.  Other than that.... NOTHING other than veiny.  TSB.

6w2d - Symptoms

Three days until our next ultrasound!

Symptoms
Night:  Vivid dreams (one was sex related, non baby), small cramps after peeing, peeing more
Morning:  Nothing
Afternoon:  Bloated/slightly crampy after nap
Evening:  Veiny, TSB

6w1d - Symptoms

Symptoms:
Night:  Vivid dreams (non sex, non baby)
Morning:  Nothing
Mid morning:  Lots of pulling during yard work
Afternoon:  Super bloated after taking a nap
Evening:  TSB, veiny

6w0d - Veggie comparison, symptoms, and ultrasound pic obsession

My baby is the size of a lentil today!

And this is what she looks like (we hope!):

So my second ultrasound is 5 days away so of course to pass the time I am obsessing over my last sonogram's photos.  The tech said she didn't see a fetal pole, but I really think I see one.   What do you think?   I know, I'm obsessed and weird but it's all I have to pass the time!

5w5d - measuring 5w3d.... do you see a fetal pole?

Symptoms:
Middle of the night:  1 vivid dream (non sex, non baby), cramps after peeing
Morning:  Nothing other than TSB.
Mid morning:  Super duper bloated, small cramps.
Lunch:  Still bloated but doesn't feel as bad.   Dull cramps (also not as bad).
Afternoon:   Less bloated.  No cramps.   Tired.
Evening:  TSB

5w6d - Symptoms

Still can't believe this is happening.   I pray we see a heartbeat soon.  Our next ultrasound is next Wednesday (6 days away!) at 6w5d.   I measured 5w3d yesterday so we may measure 6w3d next week.  I just pray we see a heartbeat.   God is indeed good.  If you're a praying person, we are desperate for your prayers to be lifted up to Him to see this baby into our arms.   <3

Symptoms:
Middle of the night:  Maybe a tiny cramp or two after I peed.  No vivid dreams.
Morning:  Fuller/achy boobs.  Only ached for about 20 minutes this morning but I'll take it!
Mid morning:  Maaaaaaybe I smell things more?   Left boob twinges.
Noon:  Pulling while walking.  Yellow CM.  Briefly tired after lunch - keyword: briefly.
Afternoon:  Nothing.
Evening:  Cramps, tired, TSB.

5w5d - Ultrasound!! & Beta #5!!!!!

The ultrasound is in 1 hour and 10 minutes (and beta #5)!  I think I might pass out from nerves.  I'll update this as soon as I can!!

UPDATE:  Sonogram went well.  Gestational sac = check!  Yolk sac = check!  HB = too early to see!!!  I am 5w5d as of this afternoon and the sac was measuring 5w3d.  I'm okay with that since FET's are slow to implant usually.   I neeeeeeeeeeeeeed to see that HB before I can celebrate.  I just need it.  After last May's miscarriage I am scarred.  I need to see that flicker!  Anyways, we don't know what's next.  Cleveland Clinic will still want to do their first u/s which I'm guessing they'll want to do 8/3.   I wonder if OBGYN Associates will want another one too?  Have I mentioned I'm not telling Cleveland Clinic that I'm already getting ultrasounds at my OB?  I want as many as possible so why tell them?  Anyways, without further adoo, here is our little bean (who you can't actually see, he/she isn't the spherical thing)....

Beta #5: 

Praise the Lord for He is GOOOOOOOD!!!!!!! Thank YOU everyone, from the bottom of my heart that is reading this. Your thoughts and prayers mean the world to us!

5867!!

All betas graphed together.... 

More data.....

Symptoms:

Middle of the night: vivid dreams (still not sex or baby related....come on sex dreams, you're all I had when I was pregnant with Victor), cramps after peeing
Morning:  TSB, uterine pulls when getting of ultrasound table
Afternoon:  Sliiiiiiiiiiiiightly nauseated, and kinda tired

5w4d - Speculated betas & Symptoms

Less than 24 hours until our first sonogram!  I am so flipping nervous!

Goal betas for tomorrow (in yellow).....Hoping for any of the top 3 for my sanity's sake....

Tho there is this..... I suppose I should take any of them really..... I just want it to be strong so I can rest and just be happy!   Infertility steals the chance of happiness away from early pregnancies because us interfiles are so deathly terrified of losing the baby (again).

Though when I put 3850 into the HCG doubling chart (on the same damn page as that Normal HCG Doubling Times thing above) it says that the 2 day increase is 72 hours and says "lower than normal".  If it's supposed to double in 72-96 hours past 1200 then why is 3850 (72 hour doubling) considered "lower than normal"?  Let's hope, nay, let's PRAY my beta is so strong tomorrow this is a moot point and we don't have to debate this stuff!!

Symptoms: 
Middle of the night: vivid dreams (not sex or baby related)
Morning: Veiny.  TSB.  Drive to work had some dull cramps on the right of my ute.   My bloated stomach is mostly flat again.  :(
Mid morning:  Swear my yogurt tastes weird.  Finally some bloat - just a tiny bit but I'll take it!  Come on symptoms!
Lunch: Walked and had some pulling on the right mostly, a bit on the left.
Afternoon:  Nothing.  Then small cramps.
After work:  Uterine pulling when moving!  Yes!
Evening: Uterine pulling when moving!  TSB

5w3d - Symptoms

Only 2 more sleeps until my first ultrasound (and beta #5).   Time cannot go any slower.

Symptoms:
Middle of the night: vivid scary dreams, not veiny
Morning: nothing
Mid morning: dull cramps
Afternoon: headache while taking a lunch walk.  other than that, nothing :(, veins are completely gone, absolutely freezing
Evening:  Totally veiny in the shower - I think it's heat related... when I'm cold they all but vanish.  Started feeling "weird" in the evening (tiny cramps and nausea).  It was after my progesterone shot tho so it could have been from that.  Absolutely no TSB even after scraping like 15 times trying to see it.

Wish I had more symptoms to reassure me things are cooking in there!

5w2d - Symptoms

Busy weekend (luckily)!   Can't wait for Wednesday to get here for our first ultrasound!

Symptoms:
Yesterday and today were similar.
Morning:  woke from vivid dream (non sex or baby related)
Afternoon:  nap, woke up with slight nausea
Evening:  TSB, overall pretty veiny looking

5w0d (16dp5dt) - Beta #4!!!

Praise the Lord for He is GOOOOOOOD!!!!!!! Thank YOU everyone, from the bottom of my heart that is reading this. Your thoughts and prayers mean the world to us!

1204!!

Most recent chart....

All of my betas so far....

9dp5dt = 117

12dp5dt = 260 (62 hour doubling)

14dp5dt = 503 (49 hour doubling)

16dp5dt = 1204!!!!!!! (38 hour doubling)

All of my betas graphed....

5w0d (16dp5dt) - Symptoms

Had my blood drawn for beta #4!  Now we wait!  Come on 1,000+!!!!!!!!  Saying tons and tons of prayers!

Symptoms:

Middle of the night:  Slept like a log.  Cramps after peeing.  Vivid dream (non sex or baby related).

Morning:  TSB, cramps, blood draw caused a bleeder.

Mid morning:  My yogurt tastes weird.

Lunch:  The mustard on my wrap tastes weird.  Tiny cramps.

4w6d (15dp5dt) - Symptoms

So my next beta won't be until NEXT Wednesday (7/22).  That's 1 week between beta #3 and beta #4.  I can wait 6 more days, right?    I'm tempted to go in sometime between now and then but it's not THAT far away, right?  I can do this, right?   I'm aiming for 4,500+ by then.

UPDATE:  My OB's office wants to do a sonogram next week!  I am happy to oblige them.  7/22 at 8:30, then beta #4 right after!   Now Wednesday for SURE can't get here soon enough!

UPDATE 2:  My RE emailed me and said she'd be okay with doing 1 more blood draw tomorrow and then after that only once a week.  So I'm going to do it.  So come on 1006 tomorrow!!!


Symptoms:

Middle of the night:  slept like a rock, maybe one kinda vivid dream.

Morning:  Nothing, no blood with tongue scraper, TSH blood draw barely bleed.

Mid morning:  Tiiiiiny cramps.   Thirst.

Afternoon: Nothing really.  Some pulling here and there.  Ugh.  Come on.

Evening:  Super tired during evening walk.  A full uterine pulls here and there.  TSB (tongue scraper blood), a good amount of blood after progesterone injection

14dp5dt - Beta #3!

Praise the Lord for He is GOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!

503

9dp5dt = 117

12dp5dt = 260 (62 hour doubling)

14dp5dt = 503 (49 hour doubling)

14dp5dt - Symptoms

Symptoms:

Middle of the night:  Vivid dreams (this time sex and pregnancy related!), cramps after peeing, heart racing, sensitive/sore nips

Morning: blood after using tongue scraper, bleed like a stock pig after my beta blood draw, left and right cramping in uterus, right boob pinching for like 2 seconds

Mid morning:  thirsty, left side uterine pangs

Afternoon:  thirsty, left and right side uterine pangs, bloated after lunch

Evening: Headache, slighty nausea, side pulling, a lot of blood after progesterone injection, blood when using tongue scraper

13dp5dt - HPTs

Symptoms (don't know why I'm still doing this):

Middle of the night:  Cramps after peeing.  Pretty bad actually.  And some intermittent shooting pain.

Day: On and off stabby pains on the right.

Evening:  Blood after using tongue scraper.


Tests:

FMU: Top two tests were last night (12dp5dt)..... bottom two tests were this morning (13dp5dt)...... this isn't looking good.......

Evening tests:
I don't know what to think!!

Darker than night before.

Lighter than night before.

Correct estimate.

12dp5dt - Beta #2 :(

Bad news.  Only went up to 260.   It was supposed to be 351.   It has a 62.5 hour doubling rate (normal is 48 hour doubling rate).   Our blighted ovum last May had a doubling rate of 52 hours.  So this doubling rate is worse.  I can't believe this is happening all over again.  Can't wait to miscarry.... all over again.

Repeat beta on Wednesday (14dp5dt), 47 hours after beta #2.  We need it to be 512 to be a proper 48 hour doubling rate.   (Just to give you an idea, Victor was 728 at 14dp5dt.)

Please pray for us.  :(

12dp5dt - Symptoms

Symptoms:

Middle of the night: GIANT headache I actually took 1 tylenol and put a washcloth over my forehead to fall back to sleep.  Uterine tugging when getting out of bed.  A little nauseated (could have been the headache).  Vivid dreams (tho still not sex or baby related like they were when I was pregnant with Victor).

Morning:  Nothing yet.   Right pulling feelings.  Tiny cramps while driving.

Beta #2 blood drawn at 8:50am.

Mid morning:  Right side feelings.

Afternoon:  Thirst.

Evening:  Nothing.

11dp5dt - Symptoms

Beta #2 is tomorrow!  72 hours from Beta #1.  We are shooting for anything over 351!!

POAS update: Haven't POASed since 8dp5dt!  Such self control!

Symptoms:

Middle of the night:  Insomnia.  Tiiiiiiiiiiny cramps after peeing.

Morning:  Nervous shits (sorry, TMI, but it's the truth - nervous for tomorrow's beta!)....actually, this probably isn't even a symptom.  Not veiny - kinda making me nervous.

Noon:  Headache.  Sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight cramps.    Sliiiiiiightly bloated.  Headache gone after eating and taking off hoodie.  Think I was too hot.   Sliiiiiiiiightly nauseous?

Afternoon:  Napped.  Woke up with sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight nausea and right side uterine pulls.   Bloated.

Early evening:  Slight (only one 'i' this time) nausea still.  Dull right sided uterine cramps.   Dull headache.  Cold feet.  Veiny chest/arms/boobs (seems to only come out in the evening and gone by morning).  Blood with tongue scraper.


Soooooooo nervous for tomorrow!

10dp5dt - Symptoms

I haven't POASed since 8dp5dt!  I should win a self control award!  I am also going to make my brother $5 richer and my uncle $5 poorer.  They took a bet about whether or not I'd cave and POAS.  Well, as of right now I have a ton of resolve to wait and see what beta #2 is!  If it's good (which I am praying for), maybe I'll pee then just to see a dark FRER!

Symptoms:

Middle of the night:  Cramps after peeing, vivid dream (about Adam Lambert being my BFF)

Morning:  Pulling right side

Noon: Nothing really

Afternoon: Bloated, nauseated (tho my son has a fever so who knows if a bug is going around, I hope my nausea is baby related!)   Napped.

Evening: Not really veiny.  No blood after tongue scraper.

9dp5dt - Beta #1

Beta #1 was 117!!   I am thrilled with that!  Just slightly below average according to betabase.info for a singleton at 14dpo (129).  Though I did read FETs have lower betas and I also read 5 day transfers have lower betas.

I also used a hcg graphing tool on babymed.com to place beta #1:

http://www.babymed.com/tools/hcg-calculator

9dp5dt - HPTs

Symptoms:

Middle of the night:  Cramps after getting up to pee.

Morning:  Right uterine pulls for about 10 seconds in the car.

Beta #1 blood drawn at 9:00am.

Lunch:  Some right side uterine pulls during my walk.

Bedtime: Blood when using tongue scraper

I've also been keeping a secret.........

I had my first beta drawn 35 minutes ago at 9am.  It won't be QUITE 9dp5dt for the result as that is 5 hours before my transfer time.  So it's not technically 9dp5dt until 2:15 today!

Needless to say, I'm a nervous wreck given my history:

Pregnancy #1: Chemical
Pregnancy #2: Victor!!!
Pregnancy #3: Blighted Ovum
Pregnancy #4: ????????????   Please God let this be baby #2!!!!!

See next post for the beta result!!!!

8dp5dt - Symptoms

Symptoms:

Morning:  Brown spotting, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe a full uterine pulls here and there while getting ready for work.   No veins / no blood when using tongue scraper.

9:30:  A few right sided pinches during my stand up meeting.  Tiiiiiiiiiny cramps now that I'm sitting after the meeting.

10:45:  More brown spotting.

Noon:  Tiny cramps.   Walked, a full tugs while walking.

Afternoon:  Feel normal.

3:00:  Hungry.  Small headache.

After work:  Right boob hurt for about 5 minutes.

Evening:  Brown spotting.   Blood after tongue scraper.  Constipation gone (next morning too)....think it's from nerves for beta #1.

7dp5dt - Symptoms

Symptoms:  

Early morning: Vivid dream (non sex, in fact I cried in my dream - work related).   Constipation.  Bloat is gone.  No veiny boobs.   No cramps.   Ughhhh.   It's going to be a looooooong day if these symptoms don't start up soon.   Blood when using the tongue scraper (I pushed pretty hard tho). 

Mid morning:  Mayyyyyybe a few uterine pulls?  Definitely not feeling as much as I did in the previous days.

Afternoon:  Nothing

Driving home from work:  A few cramps

Walk after work:  Side right boob hurt for about 20 seconds.

Evening: Brown spotting, veiny chest (gone by morning)

Overall:  Not bloated at all really today like I have been the past days.  This makes me worry.   My general lack of symptoms today makes me worried.  Being alive makes me worry.

6dp5dt - Symptoms

Symptoms:

Early morning: cramps when I woke up, cramps sometimes when I move, super bloated, constipated, a few twinges here and there

Mid morning: A few tiny pinches ~9am.  Nothing really after, maybe a little bloated?  Went for a walk with a friend, crampy and bloated during the walk.

Noon/afternoon:  nothing really, a little bloat.  Starting to freak that I feel mostly normal!

Drive home from work:  pinching - finally something!   Thirst?

After work - Tiiiiiiiiny bit of brown spotting.

Evening - Cramps during dinner, I think I'm starting to get veiny boobs (weren't veiny at all on a second look)?   Definitely thirsty.

5dp5dt - Symptoms

Symptoms:

Middle of the night:  vivid dream (not sex related tho), cramps in the middle of the night

Morning: Constipated (lovely), tiny cramps to start, bigger cramps later in the morning

Walk during lunch yielded some tugging and pinching.

Afternoon:  Bloated.  Super DUPER bloated.   I seriously look 12 weeks pregnant.  lol   That only lasted an hour or so, now I'm just regular bloated.

Evening walk:  Bloated.

4dp5dt - Symptoms

Symptoms:

~7am - Woke up to a sex dream.   Maybe it's a symptom?   Maybe I'm just repressed.  Lol.  It wasn't super vivid but still hoping it's a good sign.

~ 9am - Super duper bloated.

~10am - Maybe a few pulls when moving in the uterus?    Please let this be it!

11:45am -  Thirsty?  I did take a walk this morning so I'm probably just thirsty since I haven't really had much to drink since we've been back!   Bloating mostly gone.

1:11pm - Feeling completely normal and 100% losing my mind.  I checked my past symptom lists and the only time I ever had bloating resulted in a BFN.  :(

Evening - Cramps, weird uneasy feelings in stomach, acne on chin and a little on chest

Middle of the night - Cramps, twinges, pulls

3dp5dt - Symptoms?

Today was the day I was watching for symptoms like a hawk.   Nothing.   Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe one little pang on the lower right side that happened a few times in the span of 10 seconds.  I should note I had weird ovarian pangs before the embryo transfer as well so who knows.   I think I had cramps (teeeeeeeeeny tiny ones) in the night between 3dp and 4dp transfer. 

2dp5dt - Mr. Moon & Symptoms

No symptoms yet.  My two BFPs (not the chemical) I had symptoms starting tomorrow.  So today is my LAST day of non-symptom watching!   Anyhoo.....there is totally a moon in one of my embryos!   I hope he/she is my lucky embryo!

1dp5dt - No Symptoms

Nothing to report symptom wise.   I've decided to do modified bed rest this transfer instead of keeping up my 15,000 steps a day routine.  So far today (and it's already 6:30pm) I've only clocked 2,300 steps.   Still walking around the house to keep the blood flowing but not doing anything crazy today and tomorrow.  I'll start to work my way back up to 15k steps a day Saturday and be fully back by Tuesday.  The implantation window is typically 7dpo through 10dpo so tomorrow (2dp5dt) through Monday (5dp5dt).  So I want to stay pretty low key through that!  If you are a praying type, please continue to pray for us!  It means the world to us!

FET #5 Frozen Embryo Transfer Day!

The day's happenings:

• 9:45 Got on the road

• 11:30 Accupuncture

• 12:45 Chugging 20oz of water and popped 1.5 valium for my 1:45 transfer / 

Stopped to get lunch for Mike.

• 1:20 Arrive at Cleveland Clinic -Threw coins in the fountain to make a wish!

• 1:25 Waiting room.  Drank another 15oz (35oz, took the other 0.5 valium to total 2 valium, barely feel like I have to pee)

• 1:50 Finally in a holding room before transfer (was suppose to be at 1:45.  REALLY have to pee.  Like my FROZEN socks?  Get it?  Frozen Embryos.  I'm also flashing the # 7 since it's our seventh transfer.   Feeling like I have to pee but not that bad.  Thank you valium!

• Seventh transfer.

• Our babies.  Embryos 12 and 13.  Thawed blasts.  Let them be our take home babies or baby!  Please God!   They said my bladder was perfect (didn't comment on my uterus, I should have asked).

• 2:40 Returned to acupuncture for post transfer treatment

Our journey so far.....

FET #5, transfer #7, in less than 48 hours

Nothing crazy to post just needed a place to let out my anxiety!   So I decided to do the claritin and pepcid - what could it hurt, right?  I am doing just ONE extra medrol (instead of DAYS worth like last try in March).  Haven't decided about ibuprofen pre-transfer yet, but this article is making me sway towards doing it.  

I have acupuncture tomorrow (Tuesday) at 9:30 and then a uterine/general massage at 2:30.   I also have a pre and post transfer acupuncture on Wednesday.  I have thrown everything possible at this cylce (and a ton of $$$).  Please, if you are reading this, and are someone who prays, I beg you to take just 20 seconds right now, before you finish reading this post, to say a quick prayer for Mike and I.  It would mean the world to us!!!!

I am officially on 6 days of stay-cation starting today!  I begged Mike to help me stay as stress free as humanly possible in those days.  It will be 5dpo through 9dpo that I'm off.  PRIME PRIME PRIME implantation window so I want my core as stress free as possible!

FET Efforts

Just wanted to document things I've done this cycle (in case it works) as this will be my new go to list for future FETs (if we were ever blessed with "left over" frozen embryos after having 2 babies, of course I'd try to convince Mike to let me transfer them)....  in no particular order...

• Weekly acupuncture
• Acupuncture pre and post transfer
• Weekly uterine massage with castor oil CDs 5-14
• Fertilitea
• Lots of water
• TSH under 1.0
• 20k steps a day until CD 14, then down to 15k steps a day
• Pineapple core smoothies starting night before transfer for 5 days
• Follow clinic's medrol instructions (don't go rogue like FET #4) (added ONE extra day)
• No caffeine for many months
• No alcohol for many months
• No sex (sorry Mike) transfer cycle
• Scratch cycle before (tho started AF only 3 days after, 5 days full flow after)
• 10mg claritin/day (SP) starting 2 days before transfer
• 20mg pepcid AM/PM (SP) starting 2 days before transfer
• 1dp and 2dp modified bedrest
• 1.5 valium 1 hour before transfer, added 0.5 valium 30 minutes before
• Zita West pre transfer, post transfer, TWW guided visualizations

Things I'm still up in the air whether I should do them....(didn't end up doing either)

• Lovenox starting night of transfer
• 200 ibuprofen 90 minutes before transfer

Lining check take 2

8:30 AM:  Lining was 9.8-9.9 today. I thought for sure it would have grown a little more but I'm okay with ~10mm. I am a tiny bit worried (okay, a lot worried) that my triple stripe lining didn't look as apparent today as it did two days ago. I have no follicular action to make me think there is any corpus luteum action going on. The sonographer said she'll be reporting it as triple stripe to the clinic. I am 99% sure I'll get the green light today even though I didn't technically hit their 10mm requirement. I always read 10mm was perfect so I'm happy with 9.9.

3:40 PM UPDATE:  There is no update.  My clinic loves to torture me and never call me!

4:30 PM UPDATE:  Given the green light to start progesterone injections tonight.  Transfer on 7/1!!

Lining check take 1

Lining was 9.06 mm this morning.  Just waiting to hear from Cleveland but I think we will get a green light to start progesterone any day!

UPDATE:   Cleveland called and they wanted it to be 10mm.  I am going to repeat the check this Thursday at 8:00am (2 days from first check).  If good, I'll start progesterone that night!

FET #5 Underway

Period came super early.  Let's get this party started!  Hopefully my scratch had time to work since it was only 3 days ago.  :(

Update....I think I got 5 days of scratch effect in as my period didn't flow flow until 2 days after it "started".  Now, TMI, it won't freaking stop!

Apologies

Sorry I have been a horrible blogger the last few months.  It get's REALLY hard putting all of my hopes and dreams on display, falling in love with my little embryo photos, and such just to have it all come crashing down.   This will be our SEVENTH EMBRYO TRANSFER.  Can you believe it?  It will be embryos #12 and #13.   To date we have transferred 11 embryos.  Here's a little recap to detail why I am so war-torn and bitter these days....

Embryo #s:

01, 02 = Failure
....03 = Chemical pregnancy 
04, 05 = Praise the Lord our miracle baby
06, 07 = Failure
08, 09 = Miscarriage
10, 11 = Failure
12, 13 = ????

(14, 15, 16, 17 = Still on ice)

Waiting to start FET #5

Sorry my post have been so boring.  It get's harder and harder to put my life out there.  To be so naked and have my hopes and dreams on display only for them to come crashing down around me.  Anwyays, here's what's happened since the failed FET #4...

May 15 - Get period
May 15 - TSH = 0.192
Jun 01 - CD 18 +OPK
Jun 08 - TSH = 0.042
Jun 09 - CD 26 Hysteroscopy/endometrial scratch
Jun 12 - CD 29 Period
Jun 12 - CD 1 Start FET meds

Transferred 11 Embryos To Date

We have transferred 11 embryos to date.  1 take home baby.  9% success rate per embryo.  

3 IUI (../'11) .... BFN
IVF 1 (07/'11) 2 3d BFN 17e, 12m, 7f, 2t, 3fr
FET 1 (11/'11) 1 5d BFP chem
FET 2 (01/'12) 2 5d BFP DS
IVF 2 (02/'14) 2 3d BFN 14e, 7m, 6f, 2t, 2fr
FET 3 (05/'14) 2 3d BFP m/c 6w6d
IVF 3 (10/'14) IUI, BFN
IVF 3 (01/'15) Freeze All 21e, 13m, 12f, 0t, 8fr
FET 4 (04/'15) 2 5d BFN
FET 5 (??/'15) 

WTF Questions and Answers

Letter to my RE:

I haven’t had my beta yet but at 17dpo my tests are negative.  So I figured I’d send my questions early to get a jump on the next cycle.  I’d like to take a cycle off and cycle again starting mid/late May with that period.  

1.     We have 6 embryos left.  Would you recommend transferring two again?   What were the grades of the two I transferred and what are the grades of the remaining embryos?
She will get back to me.

2.     Should I do a mock cycle and check endometrial receptivity?
No.  No really reliable test.

3.     Should we repeat any tests (ex. HSG, hysteroscopy)?   I had a blocked tube in 2011 and it appeared unblocked in 2014.  Should we check for hydrosalpinxes just in case?
Yes.  Repeat hysteroscopy next cycle.

4.     I added estrace pills vaginally (I was prescribed them with my semi-successful FET 5/2014), can we add these into my protocol for my next FET?  I just want it documented as I don’t want to “self prescribe” anything next cycle.  I did 1 AM and 1 PM pill vaginally starting on cycle day 6.  My 11mm lining seemed good on CD 12.
We will repeat this.

5.     Is there any way we can get the person who did our successful transfer in 2012 to do the next one?  Or a doctor who has the highest success rate per transfer?
Thursdays are Dr. Austin, Friday's are Dr. Flyckt and Lisbona.  I can decide which day and person I'd like.

6.     Should we do an endometrial scratch the cycle prior?  http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/267215.php?hc_location=ufi
Yes.  She will get back to me about cycle timing (I pushed for luteal phase, she wanted to do in follicular phase with hysteroscopy, I'm not comfortable NOT doing it in the luteal phase).

Immunotherapy Questions:

7.     There is a link between Hashimotos and insulin resistance?   Put on Metformin as a precaution?   http://www.hormones.gr/556/article/low-dose-metformin-improves-pregnancy-rate-in%E2%80%A6.html 
Testing for insulin resistance on 5/7.  She will put me on metformin if I need it.
UPDATE: Insulin was 15.1.  RE and PCP still didn't want to put me on metformin.  Endocrinologist agreed to 500 daily metformin.  Started on 5/15.

8.     Should we add more prednisone sooner and longer?   “Achievement of optimal success with corticosteroid therapy requires that the treatment be initiated well before ovulation takes place (about 7-14 days prior to anticipated implantation).”
No. 

9.     Should we look into IVIG?  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11723539
No. 

10.   Can we add lovenox next time?   We added this with my only pregnancy post having baby #1 (FET 5/2014).  It failed, but it was the furthest we got in our efforts to have baby #2. 
No. 

11.   Should we add neupogen?  http://www.sims.ie/news-views/neupogen-and-implantation.1682.html

No. 

FET #4 BFN

Caved and tested last night.  12dpo.  On a FRER.   ........BFN.   It's over.   No, it's not too early.  

Update:  4/16 Beta HCG = 0

FET #4 - Frozen Embryo Transfer - Protocol, Transfer, and Symptoms

02/21/2015 - CD 17 semi-dark OPK

02/25/2015 - PAP: Normal
02/25/2015 - TSH: 0.767

SP = Self prescribed

Protocol
03/15/2015 - CD  1, Start 3 patches every other day
03/18/2015 - CD  4, Start vaginal estrace AM/PM (SP)
03/20/2015 - CD  6, Start medrol 8mg/day (SP)
03/21/2015 - CD  7, Switch to 10mg prenisone/day (SP)
03/24/2015 - CD 10, TSH: 1.370
03/26/2015 - CD 12, Endometrium = 11.06mm

03/28/2015 - CD 14, Increase prednisone to 20mg/day (SP)

................... Start progesterone 1cc

................... Start doxy 1 this day, 2/day til gone

03/30/2015 - CD 16, Last vaginal estrace (SP)

03/31/2015 - CD 17, TSH: 1.450 (Synthroid upped to 150)

04/01/2015 - CD 18, Start 10mg claritin/day (SP)

................... Start 20mg pepcid AM/PM (SP)
04/03/2015 - CD 20, Transfer (2 attempts)

Our "cookies" according to Victor

Symptom Watch
04/03/2015 - 0DP5DT: 
No symptoms

04/04/2015 - 1DP5DT: 
Kinda nauseous after eating PM

04/05/2015 - 2DP5DT: 
Bloated, cried, tiny cramps in evening

04/06/2015 - 3DP5DT: 
No symptoms, cried, lower back tweak

04/07/2015 - 4DP5DT: 
Bloated, yellow CM, depressed, veiny? (nope)

04/08/2015 - 5DP5DT: 
Left boob pinches 15 sec afternoon, tiny cramps PM, right boob pinches PM, nipples burning middle of the night

04/09/2015 - 6DP5DT: 
No symptoms AM, super bloated after lunch, dull cramping and lots of bloating after dinner, a few uterine pulls when moving just before bed (minimal), a few uterine pinches middle of the night (minimal)

04/10/2015 - 7DP5DT:  
Sore nips when I woke up, gone shortly after.  No symptoms mid morning other than bloat.  Slight cramping after lunch.  Feeling pretty normal come evening.  :(   Major meltdown.  Feel like it didn't work.

TTC #2

sticky vibes!

Lucky Coins

Superwoman socks and notes from fellow infertile friends.

Transfer #6.