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After an 8 year battle with infertility and countless struggles, our family is finally complete. This blog chronicles the journey it took for us to start and build the family we always wanted. Background on the blog (started in 2012, just days before I found out the embryo transfer for our son worked).... I decided to start a blog after realizing I have only been able to make it through my TWW's (two week waits) with the help of Google and with the openness of other women suffering from infertility sharing their own stories and giving others hope. I have time and time again found my exact symptoms on other women's blogs and felt an overwhelming sense of calmness they provided me. I thought it was time to pay it forward and hopefully provide this same thing to other women on their own journeys.

Monday, February 29, 2016

7dp6dt - Symptoms & HPTs

Called the Cleveland Clinic to tell them about the spotting and that Mike and I made the executive decision to up my progesterone from 1 cc to 2 cc (50mg to 100mg) a day.  I also told the nurse about the positive home tests and she let me move the official test day from 14dpt (Monday) to 11dpt (this Friday)!

Symptoms:

Middle of the night - nothing.  never even got up to pee.  no dreams.  nothing.  :(

Morning - Light brown spotting.  Cramp here or there.  Tongue scraper blood (I use a tongue scraper and a consistent "symptom" is when I scrape when pregnant a little bit of blood is drawn).  Thirsty.

Mid-day - Light brown spotting.  

Afternoon - Light brown spotting.

Evening - Light brown spotting.  Ute pinches here and there.  Cramps after eating.   Tongue scraper blood (I use a tongue scraper and a consistent "symptom" is when I scrape when pregnant a little bit of blood is drawn).

Tested this morning (6.5dpt on the FRER because it won't be 7dp until 2:30pm today and the test was taking around 6am - photographed around 7:30am):

This morning's test (at 90 minutes) compared to last-night's test (at 30 mins) and two-nights-ago's test (at 90 minutes) - aka all still a little wet:

This this this:

Took a few tests this evening (8:45pm).  I have to say, at first I thought it was over.  The new curved FRERS take so long to darken!  I even called out to Mike it was over.  Anyways, I think we are okay - at least today. 

Took a while to show up, but there's a line still:

Wondfos to date:

Took another digital:

Tests showing 5dpt, 6dpt, and 7dpt in the evening all within 90 minutes of taking them (aka all still a little wet):

Last several all dried:


Sunday, February 28, 2016

6dp6dt - Symptoms & HPTs

Haven't tested yet today.   I am going to try and hold out until this evening.  We'll see how well that goes!!   I did update yesterday's post with some more photos from last night's test.

Symptoms:

Middle of the night - slight cramps after peeing

Morning - Tiny ute tweak

Mid-day - Cramps/bloat at lunch, a bit of brown spotting after wiping, ute tweaks

Afternoon - heavy spotting / brown flow.  I spotted during Victor's cycle on this day but this is way more than that.   Freaking out.  Took a nap to pass time.   Still brown spotting after but not as bad.   Please just be insane implantation spotting from being on lovenox!!  Slight cramps too.   Oh, I made Mike give me another PIO injection to rule out AF trying to show.   Going to do 2cc a day starting tomorrow instead of 1cc.  They up it as you get older anyways.  I'll be advanced maternal age this year (35) so that's just what I'm doing (and no, taking extra isn't bad, but not having enough is VERY BAD).   

Evening - Still spotting a little.  No where near as badly as this afternoon.  Covered the whole panty liner before!  Acne between boobs.  Maybe veiny?   Maybe thirsty?  Tongue scraper blood (I use a tongue scraper and a consistent "symptom" is when I scrape when pregnant a little bit of blood is drawn).


HPTs.... still super light.  Was hoping for a nice darkening since yesterday but really, it looks the same as yesterday.   


This is actually yesterdays around 45 minutes and today's around 90 minutes.  I made this mash-up photo because today's is actually lighter than yesterday's DRIED test.  So I had to cheer myself up by comparing them when they were both still a little "new".

PLEASE GOD LET ONE OF THESE BABIES STICK!  PLEASE!!!

If they don't, I have this inspiring me!  (A dear friend shared this with me.)



Saturday, February 27, 2016

5dp6dt - Symptoms & Squinters!

Good morning!  Didn't test - yet!   My first morning urine ALWAYS makes the lightest line (even lighter than a night before) so I'm waiting until at least this afternoon.  Maybe evening.  Maybe tomorrow.  Gosh I don't know!  

It's still technically 4dp6dt as I type - since it won't be 5dp6dt until 2:30 this afternoon.  Just saying.  It's still really early to see a positive.  I also read that the new curvy FRERs are giving girls false positives!  I REALLY don't want a false positive getting my hopes up!

Symptoms:

Middle of the night - slight cramps after peeing.

Morning - Maaaaybe more vivid dreams?  No sex dreams tho - damn.  I woke up at 5:40am with a headache and ABSOLUTELY starving.  I could only hold out until 6:20 and then I got dressed (sweatpants and a sweatshirt of course - nothing fancy) and went downstairs to make my breakfast prenatal drink.  

Mid-day - Another tiny tan spot (that I noticed and took as a good sign so I collected my pee in a dixie cup - see below), headache still lingering, lower right ute tweaking on and off

Afternoon - Nothing really.  Napped with Victor, but I always do that on the weekend.  lol.  Yellow cm.

Evening - Yellow cm, ute tweaks.


CAVED AND TESTED .... 10 AM (so 4.5 hours shy of 5dpt).....  Squinter on the wondfo (between the ring and the dark pink line) (I don't trust them tho - they've hurt me in the past) and a super duper crazy squinter on the FRER (which, as of last night's reading, the new curvy FRER's give false positives)...so I'm excited but too scared to believe this is the real deal!



8:45 PM's tests:
5dp6dt new curvy frer - 20 minutes after the test

Comparing the two:
4.5dp6dt and 5dp6dt new curvy frer comparison AM to PM

Same test from above the morning after (once it was drier/darker):
5dp6dt new curvy frer dried


Friday, February 26, 2016

4dp6dt - Symptoms

Symptom Watch

Morning - peed twice in the middle of the night (normal for me though)

Noon - one teeeeeeeny tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny (light tan) spot

Afternoon - Tiny instantaneous lower right ute pinch

Evening - Weird pinging in my cervical area, acne on chin and between boobs, thought I seemed veiny after a hot shower (I'm typically like that lately tho), thirsty, a little more tired than usual....maybe?

To keep me sane during the work day (even though I'm working from home I still get stressed), I've been listening to flute meditation music.  This is a good one on youtube I have playing:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kH8nsXpxlxU

I also have had incense sticks burning non-stop next to me!!!

This one made me laugh:




Thursday, February 25, 2016

3dp6dt - Symptoms

Man this blows.   Come on symptoms!   Come on uterine pulling!   Come on cramping!    Come on something!!!    I know I need to leave it in His hands but man this is tough.  14th and 15th embryos transferred.   I just want another baby!!!!!!   Totally testing this weekend btw.  It will be 5dp and 6dp a 6dt (or a 5dt if you want to count it as such).  So 10-12dpo depending on how you look at it and depending on wether we test Saturday or Sunday.  I'm leaning towards testing Saturday evening so I can have a giant glass (and/or bottle) of wine if it's a BFN!

Symptom Watch

Late afternoon.... maaaaaaybe a little bloated, a tiny cramp, and maaaaybe peeing more?

Evening:  slight burning feeling in lower right ute.  Burny nips for like 10 seconds.  Thirsty.


Lovenox hates me by the way.... 

Too late....the fears have already devoured me in this two week wait...



Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Monday, February 22, 2016

Transfer Day!

We made it!  Transfer #8!   Frozen transfer #6!   We had a nice and relaxing lazy morning.   I made breakfast in bed (third day in a row) for my men.  We got on the road around 10:20 for my pre-transfer acupuncture appointment.

Got to Cleveland at 11:45.  My acupuncturist, Anne Kinchen, is THE best.  Love her.   Wish she were closer to Erie!  She got me nice and relaxed for the transfer.

Got to Cleveland Clinic around 1:00.   Popped a Valium.   Check in wasn't until 1:45 so Mike and I chilled in their gorgeous lobby.   Mike ate his lunch (I ate mine on the drive down).   There was a book fair I perused.   Then, we took the mason jar filled with coins and dumped them into the wishing fountain.   We've made NUMEROUS wishes/prayers on that same fountain before. One of which was before Victor's transfer!   These are our last two embryos, so we thought it quite appropriate to use an entire jar of coins. 

We went up to the second floor around 1:35, checked in, and waited.   It was around 2ish when they finally called us back.   

I got naked from the waist down, put on the gown, and put on my new narwhal socks!   Mike and I took our customary pics of each other flashing the transfer number with our fingers.   

Met the doctor who was doing my transfer and then got wheeled back to the operating room (no operation required for this procedure tho). 

Once in the room the sonography we checked my bladder.  Looked good!   The doc then did a mock transfer to make sure the catheter would go in smoothly.  It did!   Then they flashed my embryos on the tv screen.  The little blobs looked adorable.   They handed the catheter to the doc.  He put it in and once he measured it to be a good distance in, he squirted in the puff of liquid carrying my babies!   The embryologist checked the catheter to make sure none were stuck in it (that happened to me once).  Clear!    They gave us a printed photo of our babies, the Petri dish they were thawed in, and wheeled me back to my room.

Only laid for about 3 minutes before I decided I just HAD to pee. 

Got dressed and back in the car for post-transfer acupuncture.   That session was amazing. Fell asleep!

Got back in the car and almost home as I type this!

Think sticky thoughts for my babies!!!  <3 <3 <3 <3 

Driving down!

Jar o' wishes! 

Our wishes working hard in the fountain!  (See video a the bottom.)

Mike and I in front of the fountain!

Flashing the #8 for transfer number 8!

Transfer #8!

The little dish they thawed our babies in.

Our beautiful boy and girl babies!  I am not sure who is who. These embryos were twice vitrified (frozen twice), and thawed twice (PGS normal)! I hope they're strong!

Thinking positive!!!!!!!!!!!



 each one is a prayer and a wish 
Posted by Lauree Sundberg Schloss on Monday, February 22, 2016

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Tomorrow is transfer day!

Tomorrow is transfer day!  

Ramblings:

I had my last of 4 uterine massages today.  It was immensely relaxing!

I started lovenox last night.  From my google scouring, most RE's start it on CD 6.  I'm well past that, so let this party start!

I also started the CCRM antihistamine protocol of daily claritin and twice daily pepcid.

Should I wear my narwhal socks or flying pigs socks?

Transfer is at 2pm tomorrow.

Acupuncture is at noon tomorrow and immediately after transfer.

Joined a plethora of FB pages that post inspiring quotes.  Here's another good one that I swear was made just for me:



Friday, February 19, 2016

Trying to be better

I'm really trying to be a better human being these days.   Trying not to feel bitter toward pregnant women.  This says it all....



Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Injections underway!

Mike is in Vegas for a work conference so my mom gave me the first (of hopefully many) progesterone injections!  The transfer is just 5 days away!  I started doxycycline last night as well.  I start medrol tonight.  Things are happening now!  :)

My plan for next week is to transfer monday, take tuesday off, and work from home wednesday - friday.  I can get a ton done while still taking it easy to let the little guy and girl burrow in!

Trasnfer #8 here we come!


Tuesday, February 16, 2016

FET 6 is still a go

The clinic wasn't concerned about my weird dots.  I pray this transfer works or I'll always wonder if we wasted 2 perfectly euploid embryos in my uterus with those dots present.  :(   Anyway, my lining was 11.8mm.  Estrogen was 532.  Progesterone was <1 (good).  I will start progesterone, medrol, and doxycycline tomorrow!

I have more to blab about but I am absolutely slammed at work.  Top it off with these estrogen patches and my no caffeine I want to curl into a ball in the corner and sob my eyes out.  So more blogging later when I'm not so emo.

OMG THIS:


Monday, February 15, 2016

Lining check = two tiny dots = wtf?

Two tiny dots.... that aren't fetal sacs.   I wish I had taken a photo.  Had I known I wouldn't be able to find a comparable photo in google images, I would have!!!     My lining thickness was awesome.  11.8mm?  12.2mm?   Whatever it was, it was good (and triple stripe which is good).  I didn't really remember because I was too busy looking at these tiny black dots between my myometrium and endometrium.  Aka, the dots weren't in the endometrium.  They were pretty much between the lining and the uterus itself if that makes sense.  They were black, so they were filled with fluid.  They were tiny, maybe a 1 or 2mm?   The sonographer didn't really say much.  They usually don't.  I get monitored remotely so she is just the grunt.  She said she would include it in the report to Cleveland Clinic (CC).   CC usually calls between 2 and 5.  If they say I am to proceed with the FET, I will at least ask their opinion on the dots.  I google fibroids, I don't think they are those.  I googled polyps, I don't think they are those either.  I am at a loss.  Google has failed me.  Or I have finally met my google search final boss.  Can't find ANYTHING that looks like it.   Please pray God grants me patience while waiting to hear.


Friday, February 12, 2016

Small Updates

Sorry the blog has been slow.  The FET is still on for the 22nd as long as the lining check goes well on the 15th.  Just sitting here growing some lining right now.  :)  No new news is good news, right?  :)

There are small updates I suppose....

My RE, after much persuasion, finally wrote me a script for lovenox.  There are studies showing  that lovenox can aid in preventing miscarriage in people with not only Hashimoto's thyroid disease but also MTHFR gene disorder.  I have both, so I want lovenox!  She wrote a 30 day supply and 3 refills of that.  So that's enough to get me into the second trimester at least, should this/these baby(ies) hold on (which I hope they do!).

I suppose this is a non update, but I had my TSH checked on Wednesday.  Well, I had bloodwork to check it (going to check it weekly now).  Anyways, the result only returned with T3, T4 results.  No TSH.   I called Labcorp and the lady on the phone said they keep bloodwork and can actually rerun tests on it.  That's nice.  I won't have results this week like I wanted though.   Backstory:  Estrogen inhibits the uptake of Synthroid.  So wearing estrogen patches and putting estrogen pills up my hoo-haa counteract the meds that keep my TSH where I want it to be.   I want it below 2.0 for any transfers.  With a transfer in less than 2 weeks, I really hoped to know what it was this week.  I have upped my dose from 125, to 137, to now 150 (this last jump I never told my endocrinologist about....probably should....I'll email her after I finish this post).  Anyways, 150 SHOULD keep it within desired range but you never know!  My body likes to be weird.  :)


Monday, February 8, 2016

We've decided on 2!

We, along with help from the RE, have decided to transfer both embryos.  The boy and the girl!  She said "given my history" and the fact that "they were frozen twice" that's what she recommends.  Since that is what I was leaning towards, that's what we'll be doing!

I would love nothing more than both of them to stick (my hubby might be rolling his eyes right now reading that) but in all honesty, I really don't think they both will.  Again, we've transferred 13 embryos to date, over 7 transfers, and have one (albeit AMAZING) little boy.   My uterus laughs at twins!  lol.  I would be more than thrilled with one baby from this transfer too.  A big ol' BFN would make me sad.  A third miscarriage, however, would be absolutely devastating.  It CAN happen with normal embryos.  The little girl we lost in August was a normal girl.  :(  But enough about the sadness.  This will work!  I just know it!  

But if it doesn't work this time, I have to remember.......




Saturday, February 6, 2016

1 or 2?

Mike and I are thinking maybe we should just put both embryos in.

1. We still wouldn't know the gender if one took and they both have been through so much.

2. I'd rather only go through one transfer.

3. I'm not scared of twins happening since we've done 2 embryos 6 times now (and one transfer was only 1). It also wouldn't eat a second $3k out of our $20k doing a second transfer and we could use the money towards fresh embryos later if these two didn't take.

4. I would also be sad if we did 1 at a time, and the first didn't take, and we did alllllllll this stuff for a second transfer (scratch, uterine massages, etc) just for that last one to not make the thaw and get cancelled or something......THAT would blow.  This reason alone is making me think we should just put both in.

Am I crazy?


Friday, February 5, 2016

PGS results are in! ALREADY!

We were shocked that we missed a call from the director of the embryology lab today.  We weren't expecting results for another 4-5 days!   I called back and got her voicemail.  Mike called back and also got her voicemail.  She eventually called and I made Mike answer the phone....

Out of 4 embryos, 2 are normal (euploid)!  

We are so thankful!

We also found out the gender of each embryo.   Drum roll... 1 boy and 1 girl!

Now we are so torn about what to do!  Transfer both?  Transfer the girl?  Transfer whichever is the better embryo?   We are actually leaning toward the latter option.  My body really couldn't carry twins with my scoliosis.  I really don't want to risk a twin pregnancy and have something happen to one or both of them because it was a twin pregnancy!  My heart desires a girl, so I think if I chose the female embryo, and it didn't work, I'd be super sad.  Of course I would still give the boy a shot.

So all that being said, Mike and I are leaning towards transferring 1 (eSet = elective single embryo transfer) and asking to NOT know the gender of the one they choose.  If we were blessed that transfer #8 resulted in a baby, we would most likely transfer the remaining embryo someday anyways.  I couldn't just leave one behind!   And if we transferred them both over 2 transfer it might help success rates of bringing home a baby because my uterus might suck one cycle and be optimal the next.  So, I think that's the plan.

Anyone think we should do something else?


Wednesday, February 3, 2016

FET 6 Dates Set!

The clinic called with my dates!  So long as the PGS results come back (next week) that we have at least one normal embryo, the dates will be:

Lining check - Monday 2/15
Start progesterone - Wednesday 2/17
Transfer - Monday 2/22

This will be our 8th transfer!  Transfer #8!   I wonder how few women have gone through so many transfers.  The women at the clinic often comment that my folder is one of the thickest they have seen!


Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Embryo update

Praise the Lord!  ALL FOUR EMBRYOS expanded and were still hanging in there today!   So all 4 were biopsied and refrozen (revitrified).  We should have the PGS NGS results next week!!!


Monday, February 1, 2016

Lab Called

This seems like bad news..... the lab called and said that ALL FOUR of my embryos didn't expand enough to be biopsied today (for PGS) and that they will check them in the morning and biopsy them then if they make it overnight.  :(   I'm so sad.  I just feel like crying.   I just feel like I got the news that they all bit it already.   Ugh.......  :(    Will they handle being in the petri dish until day 6 (and day 7 for one)?!??


Let this FET cycle commence!

AF arrived on time!  CD 1 today for a potential transfer #8 (FET #6)!  Which is cool because CD 1 falls on the first of the month so it will be really easy to remember what CD I'm on.  I started estrogen patches today.  Will start vag estrogen in a couple days when things settle down down there.  lol  

Coincidentally, they will thaw/biopsy my 4 embryos today for PGS!  They will call me later to let me know how it went.  I should have the results next Tuesday or Wednesday!!   I pray there are 2 normal (euploid) embryos.  0 would be tramatic.  1 would scare me.  3 would be okay but I'd wonder what to do with the 3rd one.  4 would actually be amazing but statistically almost impossible.