- Lauree and Mike
- We had many struggles spread over 4 years to have our son Victor in 2012. We are now continuing our infertility journey to give him a sibling. I decided to start a blog after realizing I have only been able to make it through my TWW's (two week waits) with the help of Google and with the openness of other women suffering from infertility sharing their own stories and giving others hope. I have time and time again found my exact symptoms on other women's blogs and felt an overwhelming sense of calmness they provided me. I thought it was time to pay it forward and hopefully provide this same thing to other women on their own journeys.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Apparently it was temporary and it's perfectly fine now. Interesting. However my uterus is an arcuate uterus. Meaning the top dips inwards instead of being flat across or even convex. I googled it and "Overall, the arcuate uterus probably does not have an impact on reproduction and obstetrical outcomes."
The inside of my ute, looked at via an hysteroscopy, was squeaky clean too...
So, of course I'm all excited that maybe Mike's slow swimmers will miraculously get me pregnant before we do another IVF in October. He should at least get them rechecked since he hasn't had counts done in over a year. Maybe a year of not working out like a fiend has done his balls good and maybe his swimmers stand a chance now?
I'm not getting my hopes up too much though. IVF #3 is totally going down in October if I'm not pregnant by then!
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
I wish I could be happy for them. I AM happy for them - a little - but my sadness for myself trumps any shred of happiness I have for them. You see, several friends have recently shared me with they are pregnant. Even a few of my INFERTILE friends are pregnant and yet I still am just so sad/mad - "why them and not me?" A close friend in real life (aka, not an internet friend) told me at a family party recently that she's pregnant but not announcing it yet. This one stung because I would have been the same "weeks along" as her if I didn't miscarry. An internet friend (aka, someone from my infertility forums) posted a sonogram photo on our hidden groups' Facebook page. She's 8.5 weeks. Just under what I would have been if I didn't miscarry. This one stung because not only is it visual, but she was almost doomed for a miscarriage herself. Her early betas not only were incredibly low, they REALLY didn't double at first. Back then I thought for sure I was going to carry to term and she was going to sadly, miscarry. How the world turned on me. Now I get to stare at the tiny little arms and legs of her 8.5 week miracle on my Facebook feed (update... I found out how to hide this post from my feed). I really don't want to be this bitter. And I sure as hell don't want to be looked at as bitter either. It is just hard watching so many women/friends walking around pregnant. Why can't I have that? Why can't I grow my family too? No one can understand my heart unless they have been there too - and I know a lot of you reading this are there too. Hang in there. I hope we can all make it out together.
Monday, July 14, 2014
I apologize if my blog is super slow/quiet for the next couple of months. I will just be taking supplements and gearing up to do another IVF at the end of October. I do have to do a HSG and hysteroscopy as soon as my next period comes so I'll update you guys with those results when I get them. :)
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
I started all of my supplements (sans a few this go) in preparation for a retrieval in 3 or so months. These next few months will drag as I just want to get the show on the road but I'm praying that the supplements, especially the DHEA, to work wonders on my egg quality. I PRAY we only need to do IVF one more time. I PRAY we only need one more transfer. I could do it over and over and over but Mike, on the other hand, wants to stop and just raise Victor an only child. I'm not sure how many more attempts I have before me with him wanting me to stop - and don't even get me started on financial resources (or lack there of).
Monday, July 7, 2014
- TSH 1.220 (Normal 0.400 - 5.500 uU/mL)
- Anti Mullerian Hormone 1.599 (She didn't send the reference range but this is actually a lot lower than I'd like.)
- Testosterone <12 (Normal 20 - 70 ng/dL) So I'm low.
- DHEA-S 137.8 (Normal 10.0 - 221.0 ug/dL )
I sent my new RE an email asking several questions like, "did my recent pregnancy impact any of these?" We'll see what she says.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Monday, June 23, 2014
The imminent miscarriage started this morning. Feels like a normal period (so far) but extra sad knowing there was a baby in there at some point. :(
I'm on vacation (I went anyways even against doctor's orders) so hopefully I can take my mind off of it. It's a gloomy day (fitting) here on Hilton Head Island. We are here until Saturday and are driving back Saturday and Sunday. I have an appointment with my OB for an ultrasound and blood work Monday. Hopefully my body knows what to do this week to wrap this emotional episode up.
Anyways.... We meet with a new RE on July 3rd. She's a new RE but my old clinic - the one that gave us Victor. She's super young and I pray she isn't stuck in her old ways like my past two REs. I hope she takes my Hashimotos, MTHFR, and all that craziness into consideration instead of blowing it off like my last RE.
So stay tuned.