Sorry I have been a horrible blogger the last few months. It get's REALLY hard putting all of my hopes and dreams on display, falling in love with my little embryo photos, and such just to have it all come crashing down. This will be our SEVENTH EMBRYO TRANSFER. Can you believe it? It will be embryos #12 and #13. To date we have transferred 11 embryos. Here's a little recap to detail why I am so war-torn and bitter these days....
Embryo #s:
01, 02 = Failure
....03 = Chemical pregnancy
04, 05 = Praise the Lord our miracle baby
06, 07 = Failure
08, 09 = Miscarriage
10, 11 = Failure
12, 13 = ????
(14, 15, 16, 17 = Still on ice)
About Us
- Lauree and Mike
- After an 8 year battle with infertility and countless struggles, our family is finally complete. This blog chronicles the journey it took for us to start and build the family we always wanted. Background on the blog (started in 2012, just days before I found out the embryo transfer for our son worked).... I decided to start a blog after realizing I have only been able to make it through my TWW's (two week waits) with the help of Google and with the openness of other women suffering from infertility sharing their own stories and giving others hope. I have time and time again found my exact symptoms on other women's blogs and felt an overwhelming sense of calmness they provided me. I thought it was time to pay it forward and hopefully provide this same thing to other women on their own journeys.
My next embryos transfer will be my 7th also. In between ivf cycles I've also had 4 spontaneous pregnancies and missed m/cs. Lost the heartbeat of our 4th FET pregnancy in week 8 last summer. I can totally relate to your feeling war-torn and bitter. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteChantal, I can't imagine the joy of a spontaneuous pregnancy and the sadness of it ripped away. I am so so so sorry. :(
DeleteThanks Lauree. The spontaneous losses were chromosomal. I was more devastated with our DE/FET losses. PGS tested normal and I still miscarried. We must not give up though!
ReplyDeleteI will NEVER give up! I will run out of money before I ever do!
DeleteI know the feeling. :( I did a total of 10 transfers and only took home 1 baby (1 blighted ovum, 1 early mc before my 7 week ultrasound, 2 chemicals). I had 2 transfers of 5 day frosties (4 embryos total) after I had my son and none took. Not even a chemical. It was devastating. I turned 40 recently and decided to close the ART chapter after four years. It was a tough decision, but I'm devoting all my love and time to our 20 month old miracle boy. The desire to have that second baby is just as strong as the first (although I'm eternally grateful for him), and it took me these past 12 months (last transfer failed July 2014) to finally find peace with it all. Best of luck to you! I've enjoyed following your story and you and I had almost identical pregnancies with our boys. I'll be thinking of you and praying one of those frosties = Baby #2!!😊
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. How did you know you were done? I fear even if I try all 6 remaining embryos I'll try a fourth ivf after that. I need a sign! Congratulations on your son!!!
DeleteThank you for sharing your story. How did you know you were done? I fear even if I try all 6 remaining embryos I'll try a fourth ivf after that. I need a sign! Congratulations on your son!!!
DeleteThank you for sharing your story. How did you know you were done? I fear even if I try all 6 remaining embryos I'll try a fourth ivf after that. I need a sign! Congratulations on your son!!!
DeleteTo be honest I just felt like I really wanted my life back, and that the stress of IVF, living and dying by appointments and dates....I was wishing my time away instead of enjoying not only my son, but my life to the fullest. I started focusing on what I do have instead of what I don't. I absolutely had days last year that I found myself on Fertile Thoughts, rationalizing cycling again (I kind of feel like it becomes addictive in a way, so crazy!). But then I would look at my numbers again (I kept a spreadsheet) and realize how much the odds were NOT in my favor. Technically we could get pregnant naturally (even though it's never happened) because we have all our parts ;) so I always have a shred of hope each month. It just feels really good that it's not my whole life anymore, like it was for 4+ years. But I wouldn't trade it for the world....as I sit here watching my son play with his favorite truck (truck sounds included!). I think only you will know in your heart when you are done. I didn't want to look back in 5-10 years with any regrets, and I know that I won't. 10 transfers/6 retrievals ~ nice round numbers for me. I gave it everything I had. Just know that everything will work out just as it should for your sweet family. As you know, even in the toughest of times, all makes sense in the rear view mirror. I will pray for you guys and your 6 frosties. Enjoy your summer with your sweet boy and hubby. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you again. That makes complete sense. I miss my life. Besides having Victor and breastfeeding (totaling 20 months in the middle) we have spent 7 years TTC. I am just tired of not living my life to the fullest. I can feel what you felt creeping up on me. I may be done after these 6 frosties. It will have been 9 transfers, 17 embryos. Not as round numbers as you but damn that's a lot. I miss my Starbucks. I miss my glasses of wine. I miss not wishing my days away as you said. I can totally relate to wishing days away to get closer to a transfer. I want to enjoy every single second of Victor being a child. He's going to be THREE in October. Where has the time gone? That is why I quit my photography business, I was missing so much of his life. I should quit the business of TTC as well and not miss anymore.
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