9w5d - Our baby passed away

My OB got me in today for a sonogram.  There was no heartbeat.  The image of our dead baby on the screen will forever be burned into my brain.  lifeless.   No heartbeat.  The heartbeat that had I known it was the last time I'd hear it I would have listened a little longer yesterday.   Our baby died on Jack's birthday.   They are in heaven now together.    D&C scheduled for tomorrow morning.   I'm numb.

We are going to have the baby sent away to be genetically tested.  I pray there WAS something wrong with him or her and God spared him/her a hard life on the outside.

9w5d - I'm a Mess

I'm a mess.  Doppler takes under 5 minutes these days.   Last night I tried for 90 minutes to no avail.   Another 90 minutes this morning and nothing.   I think I'd die losing the baby this late.

Update:  Still no heartbeat when trying again at work.   Called OB and left a distraught message on the nurse's hotline.  Also my TSH doubled to 2.42.  It's not super high but of course that's upsetting now too.  I'm beside myself.  :(

9w4d - Essential Structures Complete

According to the due date tool (putting in July 1) I use, today marks the day that the "essential structures are complete"!   My baby's vital organs are all made (albeit they are still in their early stages).  :)   Small blog update, but huge milestone!

The next milestone it marks is "Movement Begins" on September 15, 2015.  :)

UPDATE: Baby died today but I don't know it yet.

9w0d - Weekly update

How far along? 
9 Weeks!

How big is the peanut? 
"Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce."

Total weight gain/loss? 
3.0 lbs as of this morning

Maternity clothes? 
Still doing the rubber band trick!

Best moment this week? 
Seeing our baby at the 8w5d sonogram!    I actually have been starting to feel sensations of the baby doing flip flops in there.  People do say that you feel the second baby waaaaay earlier than the first.  I think they were right!

Food cravings? 
No cravings, just eating everything in site though.

Food aversions? 
Not this week.

Gender? 
Harmony test scheduled for 8/24.  Results in 7 business days!

What's happening this week:
"She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain."

Bump?
A little one.  Next belly pic at 10 weeks!

Symptoms:
I haven't been documenting symptoms lately because there aren't that many!  I am lucky to not have any (now that I can use the doppler for reassurance).   Still vivid dreams, but rarely are they sexual - they are usually scary.  Typically a tiny bit tired after work with a tiiiiiiiiiiiiiny bit of nausea when I'm tired.  I have had a few boughts of nausea here and there in the middle of the night (8w and 9w nights exactly).   Boobs are bigger.  Headaches here and there in the evenings.  Veiny.

8w5d - First OB Appointment and Ultrasound

Our first OB appointment went well.  We had four appointments actually!

1.  Sono
2.  New patient paperwork
3.  Meeting with OB (Dr. Weibel)
4.  Bloodwork

First appointment, the sono.  Amazing experience!  Baby measured 8w5d and that is exactly what I am today!   Here are some photos of our gummy bear!  

Head on the right, body on the left and little arms and legs coming out!

Heart rate is 175 BPM

3D - Little leg on the bottom.  Umbilical cord coming out by leg.

3D - Little leg on the bottom.  Umbilical cord coming out by leg.

Last few appointments went well too.  The OB said since we are doing the Harmony down syndrome test in a few weeks we won't have a 12 week sonogram!  Our next official sono isn't until 20 weeks!!!   Luckily there is a private place in Erie that will do sonograms after 16 weeks.  So I only have to wait 7.5 weeks (omg that is forever away).

8w1d - Symptoms, doppler, and 1st belly pic!

Symptoms:
Night: Vivid dreams.
Morning:  Cramps.
Afternoon:  Slightly nauseous after nap.
Evening:

Doppler:
The doppler # got up to 165 today!   Just as I went to grab my camera and take a video the # went away.  The last part of this video the # starts to climb but then get's lost again.  The heartbeat is VERY easy to hear though!

First belly pic!  
Definitely starting to balloon out.  I'm doing the rubber band trick on my shorts under the shirt.  lol

8w0d - Weekly update and Symptoms

How far along? 
8 Weeks!

How big is the peanut? 
"Your baby is about the size of a kidney bean. Your little bean is now just over 1/2 inch long and is constantly moving and shifting."

Total weight gain/loss? 
2.2 lbs last time I weighed myself

Maternity clothes? 
Not yet but I used the rubber band trick this week at work.

Best moment this week? 
Hearing Baby Schloss's heartbeat at 7w4d on my home doppler!!!!!   This was just so amazing.  Mike and I are so relieved!

Food cravings? 
None yet but I pretty much each everything these days.  Bye bye diet!

Food aversions? 
Mike was making scrambled eggs and they smelled gross.

Gender? 
Don't know yet!   Though they have a new blood test that can detect it as early as 10 weeks!

What's happening this week:
"Your baby's hands and feet are developing webbed fingers and toes, his eyelids almost cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about having a boy or a girl, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal your baby’s sex.  Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it."

Bump?
Going to start taking bump photos today!  I got this set of belly stickers from etsy!  :)


Symptoms:

Night: Vivid dream about Will Ferrell - weird.   I also got up to pee and was so dizzy I was bouncing off walls and when I got back into bed I was really nauseous.

Morning: Maybe a little bit nauseous.

Afternoon: Tired.  Still a little nauseous.

Evening:

7w6d - Symptoms and Doppler again!

Symptoms:

Night: Maybe one vivid dream?  Peed allllllllllll night long.

Morning: Nothing.

Afternoon:  Nothing.  Bloated after lunch.   Boobs kinda hurt when walking.  Sharp left pang.

Evening:  Nothing.  Pretty tired around 8:15pm - maybe even a little nauseated too.  Just a smidge.


Doppler:

Heard the baby on the doppler again!  I couldn't get it to register the BPM on the device but Mike recorded the sound (faint but there behind all the white noise) - for 25 seconds!!!

7w5d - Symptoms

You should check out my 7w4d blog post from yesterday!  I was able to hear the heartbeat on the doppler!!!

Symptoms:

Night: Slept like a rock, no dreams.

Morning: TSB and cramps while driving to work.

Afternoon:  Headache

Evening:  Super bad headache.  Boobs hurt for like 1 minute.  Minimal TSB.

7w4d - Symptoms and Doppler!!!!

Symptoms:

Night: Vivid dreams

Morning: TSB (just a little again but better than nothing).  A few cramps.   Decided to only take the claritin of the claritin/pepcid combo I've been taking since 2 days before transfer (CCRM antihistamine protocol).

Afternoon:  Headache that left as quickly as it came.   Maybe a smidge of wooziness?  Maaaaybe.  Nothing to write home about.   Headache is back full force.  Right boob pain.

Evening:  Veiny.  TSB.

Doppler

So I wasn't planning on trying until this weekend but I was alone in my bedroom, Amazon just sent a nice new bottle of gel, so I tried the doppler.  I used headphones since I knew if I found the heartbeat it would be faint.  Well, I found it!   Baby had a heart rate of 155 BPM!   I was able to get a photo of the display saying the heart rate but it wasn't loud enough when I took a video to register the correct number but I got - literally - 1 second of it on camera.  You can hear about 3 or 4 beats in the first second of the two second video.

7w3d - Symptoms

Symptoms:

Night: Vivid dreams.  (I think)

Morning: No TSB, nothing else.

Lunch:  Cramps during walk at lunch in the beginning of the walk.

Afternoon:  Slight left boob pangs after taking a walk.   I think my boobs are getting bigger?   I did gain 2 lbs so I'm not sure what it's from exactly.  Veiny after the walk as well.

Evening:  Veiny, TSB (just a little but I'll take it!)

7w1d and 7w2d - Symptoms or lack there of

The weekend was crazy and didn't have time to get on the computer to update the blog.  There isn't much to update however as my symptoms have all but vanished.

Even the TSB (tongue scraper blood, which as you recall was something I only saw after using the tongue scraper while pregnant) has vanished.  I haven't had any in 3 days.  :(

My body looks veiny still, but only in the evening, and only when I am hot or warm.  If I am cold, you can kiss seeing veins goodbye.

I am still constipated (sorry TMI, but I need to document this stuff).

I've still had some vivid dreams (though they've all been scary related stuff).

I am NOT tired.

I am NOT woozy or nausesous.

I have had cramps here and there.

Oh, and on Sunday morning, I had ONE tiiiiiiiiny brown spot.

I have had increased yellow CM (not sure if that's good or bad).

NO boob twinges or pains whatsoever.

There you have it.  All in all I feel 100% normal and it's freaking me the F out.  I NEED to be able to use the doppler to satiate my fear ASAP.